Undertale OC Review!
by MultipleFandomTrash
Summary: As the title says. Rated T just in case.
1. Chapter 1

Right, because this is SO original.

Just a OC review thing.

Template:

GENERAL

Name:

Nickname(s):

Age:

Species:

Gender:

Sexuality:

Where they live:

APPEARANCE

Clothing:

Eye color:

Hair:

Skin:

Notable features(Scars, tattoos, etc):

Soul Color(remember that monster's souls are white.)

BATTLE

Attack:

Defense:

EXP:

LOVE:

Magic:

Weapons:

Strengths:

Weaknesses:

Fighting style:

Items:

PERSONALITY/RELATIONSHIP

Personality towards humans:

Towards strangers:

Family:

Love interest:

Likes:

Dislikes:

Habits/Bad habits:

Fears:

STORY

Backstory:

Goals/Purpose:

Job:


	2. Chapter 2

For some reason, people are saying this is helpful when I haven't even reviewed their OC'S yet? I made this as an OC review, not just a template.


	3. Review Response

Samthebutcher, yes, I am reviewing OC'S. You submit your OC using my template or your own template, and I give critique, and show you how to improve it. I have made so many OC'S and have had them reviewed so many times, I think I'm a natural at this OC thing.


	4. Plumyplumplum (Iso)

**Here we go, with an OC by Plumyplumplum**

Name: Iso **So no last name?**

Nickname(s): no nicknames

Age: 16

Species: Human and little bit soul eater **wut**

Gender: girl

Sexuality: she **Okay, when I put 'sexuality,' by that I mean straight or lgbt+?**

Where they live: used to be home

APPEARANCE

Clothing: black and white shirt and a mask covering half of her face ( mask is white)

Eye color: black diamond

Hair: white

Skin: pale

Notable features(Scars, tattoos, etc): three spears on the half of the face that is covered

Soul Color(remember that monster's souls are white.): grey with navy blue cracks **I don't follow. How? I have nothing against made-up attributes, but what? Why?**

BATTLE

Attack: 20

Defense: 13

EXP: 1

LOVE:

Magic: when too hungry can eat a nearby soul ( human or monster) **That seems kinda OP... she can kill anyone basically whenever she's hungry?**

Weapons: pen can turn into a sword **Hmm.. this seems familiar *COUGH* Percy Jackson *COUGH***

Strengths: fighting **beee specific. Almost everyone's strength is fighting.**

Weaknesses: public places **That's it? No restraints to her soul eating powers or anything?**

Fighting style: stabing **When I put this, I meant do they try to dodge more or go all out, etc, etc.**

Items: pen and mask

PERSONALITY/RELATIONSHIP

Personality towards humans: hidden

Towards strangers: small shy isolated

Family: bussiness mom and dad, mom and dad do not care about Iso

Love interest: sans, cause i can **...please, please, PLEASE let this be a joke. If it's not, than I regret ever putting this section. Sans, sans, sans. You CAN'T, I repeat, CAN'T have sans for a love interest if you are making a serious OC. People will assume that you're one of those R34 sans artists (kids, don't go looking up rule 34)**

Likes: sans puns, black and white, her mask, GOAT MOM

Dislikes: parents, being lonely, colorfull stuff

Habits/Bad habits: being isolated around anyone

Fears: being lonely and a threat to everyone

STORY

Backstory: Iso was born to parents who didnt care about her and when she went to school people made fun of her. On her tenth birthday Iso's mom gave her a mask and pen and smiled at her for the first time. But then the smile was gone after 1 sec. Iso felt so sad, on her 16th birthday she ran away to kill herself but insted she lived the fall and met chara and frisk **I spy with my little eye... A very poorly put together backstory. The whole bad parents backstory is cliché, and how did she meet Chara AND Frisk? Chara was dead when Frisk came down, and Frisk wasn't underground when Chara was.**

Goals/Purpose: to find a purpose to her life

 **If I'm being honest, this is a very lazy OC. You can't go in to something like this and expect to put in zero effort. Flesh out the backstory more, explain HOW she is a soul-eater, and just work on everything more. And DON'T make Sans their love interest.**

Job:


	5. DorkyProud (Ava)

**Here's an OC by DorkyProud.**

Name: Ava  
Nickname(s): "Get out of here, you brat!", "What do you want?!", "Get off my lawn!", and other not so nice terms (before falling to the underground). "cOOt HooMaN." (By Temmie.)  
Age: 14  
Species: Human  
Gender: Female  
Sexuality: ...She? (I don't know what you mean by "sexuality", but she is a girl, and uses female pronouns.) **Explained in previous chapter.**  
Where they live: On the streets (before she falls), With Toriel and Frisk (after she falls). **I personally don't like the idea of someone being romantically involved/living with a canon character.**  
Clothing: Blue faded ribbon, blue sweater with 2 white stripes, black (somewhat faded) skirt, blue and gray shoes (the gray was once white).  
Eye color: Pink (Y'see, I believe in that fanon thing where the color of your soul is the color of your eyes.) **Alright, I have no problem with this so far.**  
Hair: Long, light brown, wavy hair.  
Skin: Slightly pale white skin.  
Noticeable features: Scars on torso, arms, and legs.  
Soul Color: Pink, with yellow and blue small swirls. (I also believe that Kindness, Integrity, Perserverance, Patience, Bravery, Justice, and Determination are only the main soul traits, not the only soul traits.) Her soul trait is Dreamful. **Well, I'd say make up a new color for Dreamful. I think that there are other traits too, but I suggest making a new known soul color, not just combining different ones, maybe a soft pink for Dreamful?**  
Attack: 15  
Defence: 60  
EXP: 0  
LOVE: 0  
Magic: I... Don't think I want to give her magic. I don't want to make her a Mary Sue. **THANNK YOU FOR NOT DOING THIS. Humans do NOT have magic, and that is canon.**  
Weapons: Paintbrush (Why not? XD)  
Strengths: Optimism, art, hopes and dreams.  
Weaknesses: Being alone, stubbornness, somewhat sarcastic, indecisiveness (though she hides it very well).  
Fighting Style: Pacifist, will fight if she has to, little mind-boggling twists, dodges.  
Items: Blue ribbon, hand-made dolls of her friends, phone, endless anime (because of Alphys).  
Personality towards humans: Nice, optimistic self, though you can tell she is wary of them if you look hard enough. (Unless she knows and likes them, like Frisk.)  
Towards strangers: Same as humans, though if monster probably less wary.  
Family: Optimism, though sometimes sarcastic depending on mood and situation.  
Love Interest: Little crush on Chara (As of the fact that at the beginning of her story Chara and Frisk are in Ghosty-Ghost form... It's hard to explain.) **Please try to explain, because I'm not following.**  
Likes: Her friends, rainbows, cats, snow, art, etc.  
Dislikes: Many humans, her author at times (unfortunately for me :'(. Ah well.), weird fanfiction, etc. **Her author? Whaaat?**  
Habits/ Bad Habits: Clingy, trying to hold onto a mask (figuratively) that everything is alright when it isn't, etc.  
Fears: Being alone or being abandoned.  
Backstory: Everyone who is different (aka people who have strange "demon-like" eyes, because of their soul color) are often shunned from humanity, especially the ones around Mt. Ebbot, as of the fact they had a "demon child" (Chara) with red eyes who caused death and such (which they didn't). Ava, on the streets when she was 3, was used to living in a box. A girl, Hope, who was 8 at the time, took her in, as she had golden eyes herself. Living alone in an abandoned house, would take care if each other. One day Hope went out for supplies and such. It had been a few days, so Ava went out to look for her, Ava being 13, and Hope being 17, and soon found Hope in an alley, her rotting corpse on the ground. Killed. Murdered. Just for being different. Ava dried her tears, and kept going on for Hope. About a year later, she fell to the underground... (Quick summary of it... I like torturing my characters, so sue me. (Please don't, I don't have the money.) **Rather morbid, but alright.**  
Goals/Purpose: Help her friends, live for Hope, and ship Alphyne!  
Job: ... She's a child.

 **All in all, a pretty solid OC. The idea is rather interesting. I'd say working on it a bit more, and you have a pretty good OC.**


	6. FlowerFoxified (Insur Osi)

**Hey. Sorry about the lack of updates, there's just a lot going on right now. Here's an OC by FlowerFoxified for an UT/Code Lyoko crossover. Keep in mind that I have never watched CL, so bear with me here.**

Name: Insur Osi

Nickname(s): Insur has no nicknames.

Age: 14

Species: Monster (Triceratops/Dinosaur/Lizard Type)

Gender: Male

Sexuality: TBD (Haven't really put much thought into this category, to be honest, as it's not important to his story. Not going with standard choice though since monsters seem much more fluid when it comes to sexuality.)

Where they live: Insur lived at his parents' apartment in New Home up until the barrier broke. After that, he lived on his own for a bit before dorming at Kadic Academy as a student. **And I'm assuming Kadic Academy is from CL? Also, what happened to his parents? He should still be living with them. He's only 14, after all.**

APPEARANCE

Clothing: "I stopped to look at myself in the mirror. This might be my first encounter with humans, and I didn't want to look like a mess. There I was, a short dinosaur monster. My sky blue scales didn't look too dirty. My claws were a little grimy from my machine work. **What happened to make him interested in that?** I would have to wash them before I left. The clothes I had on were clean. No spots on my two-tone [striped] blue sweater that nearly matched my scales. The dark blue elastics that came with the sweater on my collar, arm ends, and bottom of sweater looked nice and tidy. The light tan khakis I had on weren't wrinkly. The goggles I always wore on the base of my triceratops-like frill were a little worn, but they were important to me and there was no time to spruce them up."

Eye color: His eyes are plain white with black pinpricks for pupils. He has no iris for color.

Hair: Insur is not the kind of monster to grow hair. He doesn't like wigs much either.

Skin: His skin is a pale icy blue color, though it is hidden behind its thick covering of sky blue scales.

Notable features: Insur is rather short, compared to both monsters and humans (especially middle-school aged children).

Soul Color: White

BATTLE

Attack: 3

Defense: 11

EXP: 0

LOVE: 0

Magic: Insur's bullets take the form of miniature lightning bolts. They all look identical to each other, with only two variations. The first, and most common, is only three "zigzags" long. These are used in his main attack patterns, which mostly consist of either lots of bullets moving radially outward away from Insur toward his target, or of several rotating rings surrounding and aiming for his target. The second variation of lightning bolt bullets are twice as long and a little thicker than the first kind. These are mostly reserved for special attacks. Insur has some skill in both cyan and orange magic, and thus can use them in combat as needed. This mostly includes special attacks, but he can use these abilities in main attacks if he has enough motivation. His special attacks are mostly barrages of the second variety of bullets that consist of both regular white types, orange, and cyan. Usually it is a line of undodgeable bullets aimed at the attacker, alternating in a pattern of orange and cyan. **That sounds extremely hard, maybe even TOO hard. I'd suggest toning the power down a little.**

Weapons: Insur really doesn't carry around any weapons, preferring to rely on magic if the need for combat ever arose.

Strengths: Insur has a brilliant mind, and can learn textual and academic information rather quickly. He has a great memory when it comes to things he reads. Insur is also a capable engineer and programmer, since he likes building little machines to pursue whatever obsession he currently has.

Weaknesses: Insur, like all monsters, is subject to what I'm going to call "bullet pattern weakness". Bullet pattern weakness, or BPW, refers to the fact that, due to monsters' inheritly strong amounts of love, hope and compassion in their souls, they are physically incapable of creating a bullet pattern that is both undodgeable and deadly. They must always create some sort of gap, or path, or chance, in their patterns, so that there is always a way for someone to be able to dodge it, even if the pattern makes this incredibly difficult. (This is my explanation for why Undyne can't freeze you without giving you a spear to block with, why Sans can't just instakill you in the Genocide run everytime you try to fight him, etc.) **This is a nice explanation to that.**

Insur also has a tendency to get obsessed with a project of his for weeks on end, spending all his time on it. In severe cases, he starts to neglect more important duties, such as sleep, eating, etc., leading to the obsession becoming detrimental to his health, and intervention needed. (Thankfully, most of his obsessions are just passion projects of his he does in his free time.) Insur is also not all that physically strong, even compared to monsters, and can't run too fast either.

Fighting style: Insur mostly uses magic. See the magic section above for more detail. He is also a very poor dodger, lacking experience in that category.

Items: Insur always wears goggles on his head. They are useful in his more volatile experiments. They also carry heavy amounts of sentimental value for him, though he is unsure of why. (They were actually given to him by Dr. Gaster, his former hero, after he was impressed with a device Insur built for a science fair. Then Dr. G disappeared, and everyone forgot about him, including Insur.)

PERSONALITY/RELATIONSHIP

Personality towards humans: Insur is both excited and curious to meet with humans and wants to befriend as many as he can.

Towards strangers: This depends on his current mood. If they are interrupting with one of his projects, he might be annoyed. If they are just passing by while Insur walks though a crowd, then the attitude is more neutral. If Insur is moving to a new location, and expects to be spending some time at least around the person, he would want to try and befriend them.

Family: Insur is a single child, with parents. Granted, his parents are hardly ever around, but they do still exist. (I originally planned to make Alphys his aunt. I dropped this idea, but I'm debating whether they could still be related somehow, maybe distant cousins.)  
 **I think that would be a good idea.**  
Love interest: Insur is not currently looking for love, nor is he interested.

Likes: Insur likes learning new things, especially in the STEM fields (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math). He also likes making machinery, varying from automatons and simple robots, to new inventions to break the barrier.

Dislikes: Insur really doesn't like getting interrupted while in the middle of working, or in deep concentration. He also isn't fond of friends of his fighting.

Habits/Bad habits: Insur always makes a habit of wearing his goggles everywhere he goes (or at least carrying them around). He also has a bad habit of getting too involved with one of his projects every once in a while.

Fears: Insur secretly fears not being good enough for people he cares about.

STORY

Backstory: Insur grew up in New Home, living in the Underground for most of his life, like all monsters. His parents, although caring, had the busy job of repairing broken machinery all over the Underground. Thus, as Insur got older, he was left home more and more often, until the point where he barely saw his parents, leading to his independent nature. **So when the barrier broke, at the age of 14, he just... left them?** In the meantime, he excelled at the monsters' school, and took to the hobby of building things and experimentation. Insur, being naturally kind-hearted, was on good terms with most of the people he met, though he never really had any close friends.

One day, he got the idea to study the barrier, which then progressed to experimenting with it, and then he gained a new passion. He wanted to be the one to break the barrier. He spent a couple years on this task, coming up with new ideas, and new findings, and failing many times. But still, he persevered. However, one day, while working on the Barrier Blaster, a device intended to overload the barrier with energy, a small human child beat him to it.

After that, despite being a little disappointed, he moved to the surface. There, the Royal Scientist's controversial amalgymation experiments were discovered, causing a major ruckus among the monster scientist community. Insur, having interacted with Alphys once, and thinking back on his own failed attempts to break the barrier, decided to support Alphys. This caused his parents to disown him, leading to him living on his own. **Oh. Still, his parents disowned him for comforting someone? How did they even find out?** Afterwards, he lived on the surface, learning all kinds of things about human technology, and making friends with the Undertale main characters (particularly Undyne and Alphys). Eventually, though, after Undyne and Alphys left Newer Home due to too much resentment at Alphys for what she did, Insur came up with a new idea. He decided to learn French, and move across the world to study abroad. He got accepted at Kadic Academy, a school in a suburb of Paris, where he attends now.

Goals/Purpose: Insur once had the main goal of breaking the barrier. After Frisk succeeded where Insur had failed, Insur moved on to wanting to study abroad. Insur also wants to become the Royal Scientist someday.

Job: Insur is a student at Kadic Academy. His job is to study, and to maybe educate the students there about what monsters are really like.

Really looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

 **Alrighty then.**

 **Things I liked:**

 **Original Character** **. He is very original.**

 **Good Explanation** **as to why there is always a gap in attacks.**

 **Nice Crossover** **into Code Lyoko.**

 **Things to improve on:**

 **The Backstory** **. Some of it makes no sense at all.**

 **More Explaining** **. What made him interested in machinery? How exactly did his parents find out? Why exactly do his parents disown him for comforting someone?**

 **And that's all! Sorry again for the lack of updates.**


End file.
